Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:iconsingory: More from singory




Details

Submitted on
August 28, 2012
File Size
5.9 KB
Submitted with
Sta.sh
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,558 (1 today)
Favourites
25 (who?)
Comments
15
Downloads
38
×


"follow me !"
Was what joanne said to jana , who just followed as per her mistress orders

they go in back alleys , then enter a building , and go to its basement , in which Joanne remove a lid and go down a hole

Jana look at the hole and before she finish analyzing the place , Joanne shout at her
"Could you stop scanning and jump now , you will have more time to scan , we need to put a distance between us and Ultrawoman"

Jana jump  in and follow Joanne
after couple of minute in the tunnel , they exit by a ladder and exit from another building two blocks from where they entered the first building

they then enter another building and go to an apartment has a big eviction notice and a lock on it
but Joanne get her keyring and open the door , and they enter and Jana is surprised to see a very nice apartment with a very modern set of machines

Joanne smile and tell Jana
"One of my secret labs, i do own this building under an alias , you can't be too careful around UltraWoman"

after she sat on chair next to a table , she extend her hand to Jana
"the Gun Please"

Jana hand her the gun

Joanne start inspecting it

Jana then speaks
"How can Mistress Follow us ? do you think she know of this place?"

Joanne put the gun down and bring tool from the drawer and start dismantling
she replied without looking at Jana
"You Mistress ? if we are lucky she got killed on the spot by Ultrawoman , that woman love to play with her victims in the pit "

Jana shouts
"WHAT , WE NEED TO SAVE MISTRESS"

Joanne look at her
"don't talk loudly to me"

Jana replied
"You aren't my..."

she get cut off by Joanne
"as i remember i'm your Mistress Grandmother and your porgramming make you obey your mistress and her family member unless its to harm your mistress , isn't that right JANA"

Jana lower her head
"Yes "

Joanne smile at her
"Yes what ?"

Jana
"Yes mistress"

Joanne smile
"Good girl , now bring me a no.13 screw and a circuit board , we need to fix this if we want a chance of getting my granddaughter back "

Jana smiled
"Okay mistress"  , and went to fetch what Joanne commanded her to get


Oh the pain
Was all Joana felt
her vision started to clear
That was one hell of a punch from Ultrawoman ,she been slammed by monsters before but that punch was a lot more stronger and painfull

she open her eyes , and notice she is bound to a chair , and her mouth gagged , and wait a minute , where is her armor , she then hear her

"hello dear , i see you have awaken again"

again ? what does she mean by that
then it came back to her
the  teasing , the robe whipping , and the slaps , of course they look like slaps , they follow the motion of slap , but they hit like sledge hammers

UltraWoman looking at her smile
"Okay now you remember what happen when you don't answer , so you are from the future , and a  Dimensional flux  got you here , and you are going back once your chronometer displacement beacon is ready , which from what i saw is nearly ready , i normally wouldn't believe that , but you called me velorian , which not many know here , and your gear is way to advance tech to this era "


she notice Joana looking around
"Oh the place ? , oh yeah i would have taken you to my famous Pit , but i'm getting it cleaned today , so i just temporarily using this penthouse apartment "

then they hear key clicking and a door opening, Ultrawoman walk out of  the living room and into the entrance, she find a chubby 6 foot  male who drop his bag when he see her

and start stuttering
"ul...ul...ult...ult..."

She point at him
"your Wallet"

"o..o..o..ok"
and give her his wallet , she open it

"Okay Mr Singory , i'm using your nice apartment for now , so i suggest you rent a hotel room for tonight, and since i know your face and name now , if i see the cops here , you're dead , do you understand"

he shake his head

she turn and throw the wallet at him
"now scram , i got work to do here"

he pick up his bag and run outside the apartment

Ultrawoman return to Joana and sit on the chair
"well i hope we aren't interrupted again , if you cooperate with me i have a nice gift to you "

she bring out a box and take something from it , Joana  eyes widen  shock of what Ultrawoman brought out of the box

"now in the future , what is the bounty on my head ?"

Outside the apartment , the man ran down the stairs , the elevator was still at the floor , but who want to wait for it to open

he reach the ground floor and exit the building turn a corner and sit on a bench  

he cough multiple time , and try to breathe , exhaling and inhaling multiple times
"damn it , i'm not in shape for this"

he pick up his mobile and dial a number
"hello ,Dwight ,i'm selling the penthouse , yes i'm taking the other job offer , what ? why ? you want to know why ? Ultrawoman took over my apartment and said she want it for tonight , no i don't want to feel her wrath , what ? NO YOU IDIOT DON'T COME CHECK HER OUT  , what are you crazy ?"

he didn't notice the two ladies walking who stopped to hear him

then one of them looked at the other
"Mistress,you..."

and she want interrupted when the other put her finger over her mouth
"Shhh , we will check it out , don't bring attention to us"

and they both enter the building
Commission done by
:iconmalphasbcs:

What is the evil Ultrawoman doing ? and what happened to Jana ?

part 1 [link]
part 2 [link]
part 3 [link]
part 4 [link]

:iconu1trawoman: is used with her permission


and yes there is two cameos , its all done in spirit of fun :D
Add a Comment:
 
:iconhotrod5:
hotrod5 Aug 29, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Mr. Singory is a spoilsport, anyone would love to check out Ultrawoman. :D
Reply
:iconsingory:
its dangerous :)
Reply
:iconmoxiee:
moxiee Aug 28, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Ultrawoman only needed to borrow your place. You can have it back when she's done.
Reply
:iconsingory:
Better safe than sorry :)
Reply
:iconbelrhaza4017:
BelRhaza4017 Aug 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I agree with Levia; add more substance and strength to your stories with better detail and more attention to the characters' interaction with one another, and it will greatly improve what you are looking to put worth

glad to have another addition to AF, though!
Reply
:iconsingory:
don't worry i'm planning on revising this story , i'm toying with short snip it for stories with picture
Reply
:iconbelrhaza4017:
BelRhaza4017 Aug 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
good to hear
Reply
:iconleviadragon99:
Okay... I'm starting to notice this more and more, this story is very barebones, the phrasing is awkward, there are few descriptors of environment, character appearance/mannerisms/actions and the dilogue is stilted... I know you're better than this, I've read Jana and Joanna's stories in their own universe, just take some more time to flesh this out.
Reply
:iconsingory:
well i'm experimenting with shorter stories with the pictures as i said in my poll , trust me i intend to make a lengthy one once its finished :)
Reply
:iconleviadragon99:
That's not my problem with this one, I'm fine with shorter stories, I'm fine with bite-sized pieces of a larger story, the overview or synopsis of this chapter could hold up... but you've got to have a little more on it, phrase things interestingly, characterise people through how they move or little quirks, use synonyms instead of the most basic and obvious terms to convey what someone is doing, have them emote, give the enviroment some distinctive character, the sounds, sights and smells, all the little things that help make a story feel more real, you don't have to add all of these things, just enough that it becomes actually engaging.

As it is, you could swap out these characters for almost any other heroes, villains and wildcards and little would change.
Reply
Add a Comment: